Interracial Relationships: The Love that Sees Colours

This article is about a Malay boy who was rejected by a Chinese girl for being brown, about an Indian girl’s relationship who ended because their boyfriend’s family would never accept her skin colour, about a white frat boy who would only date Asian girls.

This is a story about interracial relationships in a region who prides itself as a melting pot of cultures, but with a significantly higher frequency of same-race relationships compared to interracial relationships.

“‘The only thing stopping me from dating her is she’s British’”

Historical Context

The history of interracial relationships in Southeast Asia is connected with a colonial past. Under the colonial framework, it was not uncommon for women in colonised countries to marry their colonisers. This has been argued to be a rather simplistic way of framing the nature of interracial marriage, but a general consensus can be agreed that there tends to be a superordinate-subordinate nature of these relationships.

The nature of which a country’s racial history is shaped is therefore reflected by the nature of interracial relationships in their culture. Most notably, Philippines’ history of migration, diaspora and assimilation has made Philippines one of the most open-minded countries in the world when it comes to interracial relationships.

Yet although history has shaped different Southeast Asian nations differently on this issue, there still seems to be some sort of similarities and struggles that interracial couples face in this day and age.

“‘My family would never allow me to date an Indian girl’”

External Racism from Society

It probably is better to start with the context that different cultures in different nations will have varying preconceptions and generalisations about other races. It is hard to point to an objectively disadvantaged race. This does not mean that all races suffer an equal amount of discrimination, but rather that one race can be viewed favourably by another, but negatively by others.

There are certain indicators that contribute to the nature of discrimination in Southeast Asia. First, there is a cultural norm that values fair-skin. Asian beauty standards are related to how fair someone’s skin is. The glorification of lighter skin tones leads to the demonisation of darker skin tones.

Second, a country’s racially divisive policy can lead to unnecessary tension between races. To take an extreme example, Myanmar’s discriminatory policy towards Rohingyas create a social stigma that leads to other races not considering them as suitable romantic partners. The same could be said to less direct racial policies, such as Malaysia’s law that legally requires a non-Muslim to convert to a Muslim to marry a Muslim. These policies normalise racial divisions within a nation.

This affects Southeast Asian relationships in two ways.

First, an individual is less likely to get a romantic partner of another race because of their own preconceived notions about them. You would hear people say things like ‘I will never date a Muslim’. These sorts of racial preferences in relationships are not exclusive in Southeast Asia, which we will explore a bit more in the later parts. For now, I’d like to focus on the other aspect.

The problem is that, even if you have two racially open-minded individuals that are capable of seeing beyond the colour of their skin, society does not. People fear getting into interracial relationships because they know their partners will never be accepted by their family, or the judgemental stares they will get wherever they go. People are placed into the uncomfortable position of having to choose between their romantic interests and their family - merely because of their racist beliefs.

Jennifer (not her real name) is one that suffers from this. As a Chinese girl dating a brown guy, her family would always criticise her decision, asking questions such as - ‘perhaps you should try dating someone more like you.’ Amongst her family, her choice in relationship partner has resulted in her being considered as a ‘sellout’, as someone who has no respect towards her own culture.

“‘Asian girls are so much more submissive than white girls’”

Sexual Racism: Fetishisation and Preferences

More recently, the termed ‘yellow fever’ has been coined to describe the fetishisation of East Asians by other ethnicities. The reason for the occurrence of such a phenomenon could be associated with various possibilities. To give one possible explanation, the “model minority” myth has fed into the idea that Asian women are obedient and more successful than others.

Yellow fever can be considered as one of the anomalies of sexual racism, because it creates a positive preference towards a certain race, rather than a distaste towards them. The problem with yellow fever is the psychological burden and the objectification of Asian women. Asian women are now forced to confront a reality where they are not appreciated for their individual beauty and personality, but rather just because they are ‘Asian’.
This is where the most common response enters

“It is not wrong for an individual to have a sexual preference. Some people find a skinny body shape attractive, some find tall people more attractive. So why is it not possible for me to find a certain race attractive?”

The distinction between a racial preference and a preference for other physical attributes is the grounding of how racial preferences are formed. More often than not, racial fetishes are derived from racial stereotypes rather than pure aesthetic features. This can easily be identified with a simple follow-up question of: what is so attractive about said race? The response would be about some sort of generalisation and stereotype about the race.

More commonly in Southeast Asia, there is also a significant proportion that holds a bias towards Eurocentric beauty standards. Notice how the common phrase of 'beautiful mixed race babies' is only used when referring to those they consider as an ‘improvement’, such as a half-white baby.

There is always the flip-side of sexual racism, which is rather than the fetishisation of a certain race - there is a distaste for other races. When asked the simple follow-up question of: what is so unattractive about said race? You realise how quickly people fall into the trap of making racial stereotypes.

But the problem is that for people raised from a community filled with racial stereotypes, or a traditional family of a homogenous race, it is hard to break that bubble to believe that interracial dating is ‘acceptable’. It almost seems unnatural for you to bring your Chinese partner to your Hari Raya celebrations with your Malay family.

“‘It took her family significantly longer to accept our relationship purely because I was brown’”

Conclusion

The goal of this article was never to convince half of Warwick to start dating people out of their own race, nor do I expect you to shame same-race relationships. I merely ask you to be aware of the dangers of fetishisation in interracial relationships, but to also be more conscious about stating racial preferences when it comes to relationships. But most importantly, to not be the person that treats an interracial couple differently than how you would otherwise treat someone else.

So long as we do our part, Southeast Asians might perhaps finally be able to find love without the restriction of their own colour.

All the stories and quotes are anonymised, either not having a name stated or a pseudonym being used.